


Loneliness

by QuestionableCertainty (NanaAdder)



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Inner Dialogue, friendship feels, probably been done a million times but still, sephiroth feels, something i found while clearing out my docs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 06:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16781686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanaAdder/pseuds/QuestionableCertainty
Summary: A short little drabble on Sephiroths feelings and thoughts concerning Genesis and Angeal taking off.





	Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kara_Eclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kara_Eclipse/gifts).



_Loneliness_.

A word I'm familiar with. It laces and cuts through the heart with no mercy. Crippling. Pain undeterred by thoughts that one might try to ease with. It's strong. And no matter what you do you can't get rid of it.

Looking at the dark ceiling above my bed I try to push away reminders which come up unbidden. I used to relish in my memories, enjoying the vibrance of how they were in contrast to my dull existence, caged like an animal which can't be let loose lest he bite his masters hands.

They used to give me hope. Hope that one day I'd make it out and get to experience more firsthand, without the crushing weight of what I was hanging inches from my head.

But I suppose now I just have to accept it isn't for me.

It _never_ was for me.

Those two... they were always that. Those two doing everything together, understanding one another in a way I could only dream. Those two...

I laugh a little to myself from the realization that I never had a place with them. When it came to it they would always be with each other. I shouldn't have been so surprised. What did I have to offer really? A science child who was praised only because of whatever abilities he managed? A mind superior? A weapon of mass destruction? What was that in comparison to what they had?

I close my eyes and try to push myself somewhere else, but it rebounds like a boomerang in my head.

Where were they now?

Were they alright? 

I only hope they're not somewhere cold, Genesis would be complaining if they were. He never liked the cold and--

Why am I worrying? It's not like I'll be able to satisfy my questions with answers anymore.

I simply have to accept they're not coming back.

They're somewhere, trying to find a cure for Genesis, maybe even Angeal, and _they're not coming back.._.

Somehow that sticks with me more than anything else and a grit my teeth with the new wave of misery. I just want sleep dammit, why won't they leave me alone? My hand fists in the sheets as I try not to curl in on myself and think that _maybe I'm wrong;_ they'll come back for me, they haven't left me alone, I'm just worrying far too much. After all, SHINRA has been keeping a very close watch on me, and they'd expect such a thing. Maybe they're just waiting for their opportunity to get me? 

A sinking feeling set in. _I'm deluding myself._

They have...they have left me alone. Quiet tears slip past my eyes. I know I shouldn't be crying about this, about them. 

I'm not a child. 

I've seen war, I've lost men, it's nothing new. I've seen young soldiers obliterated before my eyes, I've felt blood splatter on my face as my eyes were caught on the sight of some young boy trying to be a hero.

...But I've never lost a friend.

That's it isn't it? That's what's bothering me. The fact the only two people in this world who I care for are gone, and they did it intentionally.

 _Why_?

Why would they leave me here when they know how much I can't stand it? Why would they abandon me like this?

My mind circled back in answer. _It's always those two_. They knew each other long before they ever met me. They had a bond, a bond I'd never share. Sure, we were friends, but my inability to express, combined with a general handicap when it came to relationships made it more work than it should have been.

But they could always express to each other. I can't do that. I can't express as well as I'd like how much they mean to me. They're my friends, the only ones I've ever had, and I can't figure out how to tell them that every mission I wait for the news that they're okay, that when I don't get it I scour the medbay searching for them. Any sign will do. And if I don't find them, I immediately think the worst: that somewhere, somehow, they were missed. Somewhere, they're lying in the dirt,left behind, dead or dying, and I'll never see them again.

All I've known is war and death, it's hardly a surprise. But when they pop up --oh sweet gods when they do-- I'm so relieved. So happy. But I can't... I can't express that. I'm not good with emotions. I don't know what to do with them most times, even though they're so powerful and strong I feel like I'm drowning in the noise of my inner thoughts.

That's how I always feel with them, regarding them. But I don't say it. I just make some kind of neutral greeting, say something like 'it's good to see you' and leave the rest unsaid. I'm sure from an outside view, it seems like I barely missed them, or didn't know or notice their absence.

But I always notice...

Maybe that's why they're gone.

Maybe that's why they left me behind.

Either way, I'm here. As I've always been and always will be.

...

...

I've never felt so alone.


End file.
